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(2 quoth the raven: | nevermore)

[25 May 2008|08:32pm]

I have been a livejournal user for over five years now, and recently made a website with a collection of my writing from my writing on livejournal. I apologise to anyone who has heard me mention this site before and are not interested, but for those of you who are curious, or have visited my site before - I have just updated it with a bunch of new writing, and would appreciate any feedback on it, whether you love it or hate it. The address is: www.sidrichmond.com 

Also, whether you care about the website or not - add me as a friend. I enjoy reading your writing just as much I enjoy sharing my own.

Thanks guys!


Make me believe [03 Jul 2007|04:09am]

I swear things were perfect. We were happy. Things were great. Then...........everything changed and you were gone from me.
I thought I knew what was right. I thought I KNEW.
But I didn't know shit.
I'm better than you.
So there you go...all alone now, making yourself what I hate. There you go, so far from fate.
you'll regret it, I already do.

I turn my head, my heart my soul...from you.
Your world is not mine. It never will be.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I can never love you.


The "lives" we lead [07 Jun 2007|05:53pm]

[ mood | sad ]

Thoughts, running wild through once-endangered veins

This body, once weary and hollow,

Will no longer feel pain.


The toughest goodbye,

We both know we’ll come back.

Come back to those that feeling,

That horrible wanting to die.

Singing & screaming.

Seeing & crying.


We distance ourselves from what’s good,

And all that just hurts.

You were the one who taught me they are one & the same.

Hoping for an intangible peace,

Instead we just shut



Down, down we go

Oh, this familiar path.

Do people ever change?

Not the ones that matter.

Not you, the golden ones.


The tears are the same,

As are the stained souls.

The chances, loves, lonely nights.

The thoughts, pills, exploding of one’s self.

All the same, would you say it feels right?


Do you cry for the ones that truly love you most?

Do you see what you have done,

The power of your words?

These lights are too revealing,

I give you my truths

Why do you only look at that oh-so-familiar ceiling?


Your truths hurt more

More than anything I could do to myself.

Substituting self-inflicted pain

For you-shaped inner pain.

What cruel “lives” we lead.

You almost walked away,

Would you do anything to hold me here? 

Sometimes walking away from someone and forgetting about them is so hard...


x-posted. [04 Dec 2006|09:24am]

[ mood | tired ]

P.S. [NuclearWinter] is my alias on other sites.


[30 Oct 2006|08:00pm]

This is my story of a dream I had last night

I've had this one before; I think. Or at least it felt familiar. My sister and I were in a tomb-raider-esque tunnel with stagnant water that smelled like uncleaned gauged earlobes dripping from the jagged rock ceiling. Of course, all of a sudden these doors that weren't there before shut behind us. We light a flare or something with fire on it and keep going. She's holding my hand as tight as she can and we're making a fistful of sweat. I'm in the lead breaking the spider webs for us. We come upon these stone steps carved out by water, it seems. I climb down and she comes after. We wade through the water for a while, avoiding the deep spots. Soon we come upon these 3 dobermans growling at us with their heads lowered, teeth bared and eyes locked on us. They looked like vampire dogs the way their menacing eyes glow red in the fire's light. I pushed Courtney behind me and tried to burn them with my flare-fire-thing. The circumference of their half-circle partially surrounding us widened. A man walked in from no where. He said some stuff that I don't remember but I remember the jist of it was, "You're not leaving here alive." Courtney was sobbing behind me and I nudged her with my elbow to be quiet. He told us we have limited food and ammo on our persons as we would in a video game... I don't recall having any ammo but if I did, I didn't have a fucking gun. He then told us that we could fend off the dogs for a short period of time with our food supply while we look for a way out. I threw them a frozen corndog I found in my rucksack and looked for the way he came in. There wasn't a way out. We ran out of food like he predicted and he started firing at us. I shoved Courtney down under the water and dove over her to protect her. We swam as far down as we could to retreat from the bullets. They pierced the water and zipped past us like mini-missles. The world was in slow motion like a hallucinogenic trip. They slowed like suddenly retarded warriors and sank to the bottom. We swam fast for a hole in the rock wall that wasn't visible from above the green, uninviting water. We got to the next chamber and stood up, gasping for air like exhausted seals searching for a breathing hole in the ice. The man was in that room too. He did some more shooting and we found a refrigerator behind him. We opened it and found two buttons on the back bottom corners of it. We pushed them simultaneously and the next level of the fridge opened. The doors released steam as the fridge's hydraulics pushed its insides out. Steam cleared and there was a massive shelf of the world's largest venomous spider and centipede collection. We sat facing it with our mouths gaping, pupils dilated and hot fear dripping from our lips. I knew he was behind us but I couldn't bare to look away from our obvious fate. They were flailing their multitude of legs against the walls of their containers like patients in an insane asylum. I whiped my lips and broke my neck trying to turn around. Once I managed to face him; he shot himself in the head while wearing a white lab coat and the most hysterically maniacal smile I've ever seen. I'm just glad Courtney was still fixated on the creepy crawlers because his brains littered the water behind him in a raincloud of gore and eventually floated toward us with the help of his solid mass slapping the water only a few seconds after his brain. I remember standing up and drying to dry off but it was useless. We were soaked in blood water.


[30 Oct 2006|10:55pm]

[ mood | melancholy ]

Out of nowhere
the words hit me
and I shatter

I feel as if
I may never pick up the pieces
my heart is lying on the floor
like so many shards of glass

I was falling
but you couldn't catch me
you're lost
and don't want to be found

Even as you console me
and help pick up the pieces
I know they will never
fit together the way they once did

My confidence in you has been shattered
like a wine glass that fell to the floor
as the tears run down my face
I feel like such a disgrace

Because my lover loves me no more.


[04 Jun 2006|10:05pm]
[ mood | heartache ]

i miss you. i want to feel the warmth of your body close to mine; your heart pressed up against me. the calm peace that washes over me, finally. to have your hand cup my face. caress my hair and slide down my back. to see your eyes and look into you. to let my lips part and wait for yours, to feel weightless and dizzy while i melt into you- wondering if you'll ever feel the same way. wondering if you'll ever say, "its always been you". if you'll ever forgive me for being reckless with your heart , and reckless with mine. i can wait for you forever. but im wishing on every star that you will love me back. right now i just really miss you and would love for you to call and say hi.


[04 Jun 2006|10:04pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Today, again, I tried to forget you and of course you called me first thing in the morning. its like you know that i cant get you out of my mind. like you know im trying to heal and you call just to remind me that you are still here. im tired of the empty voicemails and the non-response or call back days later. you cant keep fucking with my head like this. i know its not intentional. im giving you space and i need you to call and really chat and be available or meet me. i cant keep doing voicemails when im still uncertain. i wanted to share me today. to just see you and remind you.i dont know whats going on. i dont know if you are thinking about us or just wanting me to not love you anymore. i dont know where we stand right now. i wrote you a letter last night that youll probly never get because im not mailing it and i dont know if you ever check your email or even want to know what im thinking anymore. i wanted  you to see me today because my hair is in that in-between colors stage and its kinda growing out long and i was wearing my favorite pants and feeling so comfortable in my skin and i wanted you to see that and see that i was okay, that im happy and whole and moving on.

(1 quoth the raven: | nevermore)

[13 Apr 2006|10:44pm]

[ mood | contemplative ]

Predators promise forever
But everyone knows that's just a cheap hook
Getting off from leading the weaker on
Walking right into the trap with a smile hanging from my face like a bad painting
Silly little girl, they hiss gunpowder

Grew up fed on nothing but moldy lies and false comfort
Resting the night on a mattress stuffed with nails
The fog fades and the muscles grow stronger
Join up and fall into line just to mislead
Scraping for some kind of reality and place
In the sanctity of his tainted eyes

Every shout, shove and signal dictated is law
Executing his selfish commands
Following through and apart for him
Always armor-clad and suited for someone else's battle
I watched as my own fortress fell

Fierce blue eyes always looking ahead
Dragging my own carcass through rubble and ruin
The candle's almost burnt to the ground but the flame's still strong
Born and raised a fighter
I'll bring the world to its knees
All of this for you

Broken fingers outstretched
Reaching into the rotting sky
The fruit's just right there in front of me
Mouth salivating and faithless hands welcoming
What I seek will never be mine
There's no eating from this tree

Fingertips writhing on tangable memories of you and me
I stare into the sun and let it take my sight
Longing to suck it all back up now
Always chasing what was never meant to be
But it's all just a dream


dont lie [05 Apr 2006|08:23pm]

Im screaming, screaming, screaming in my head,
And Im screaming out loud,
And Im screaming in your face,
Dont you hear me?
Why wont you listen?

And Im crying all alone, curled up in my bed..
And my tears are flooding the earth,
Im floating past you,
Im being tossed and torn on the waves..
Dont you see me?
Why wont your eyes look?

Im burning away into nothingness,
And my soul is hoarse, begging for release,
And I dissappear into the freedom.


falling apart [03 Apr 2006|07:02pm]
Im falling so fast
the panic too late
Im suffocating myself
(and ruining my life)
with the desire to be with you.

I just want to be important
to you
to anyone
and the one person to whom i was important to
wasnt enough
i dont know why and it is killing me
with every breath i take


[20 Mar 2006|10:54pm]

Blue sky blue
Thunder clouds are rolling
I sit at home
Thinking of you.

Dark night black
The stars are shining
I sleep on
Dreaming of you.

Sun blinding white
The sky is burning
I’m all alone
Yearning for you.

The world so wide
Keeps us apart
One day I’ll come back to you
Someday I’ll find home.


you said [19 Mar 2006|10:55pm]

You said I was cold
I wasn’t
I was just trying to protect me
From pain
From people

You said I didn’t care
When I was trying so hard not to
Trying not to fall

Did you say it would be alright?
I don’t remember…
But I let go of the walls
Let go of it all

Now where are you?
I can’t see you
I can’t find you

I’m going back to where I was
I need you to come find me
Before I’m lost forever


spinning in a viod ....X-posted [16 Mar 2006|12:58am]

As the days go by,
I realize,
Im spinning in a viod.
I can touch eternity,
I can feel the agony,
Of those who've opened their eyes.

Im spinning in a void.

Time holds still,
Nothing matters anymore.
Is anything real?
I don't think I'll ever be sure.
My eyes are burning, my mind is swirling,
There is no cure.

The light grows dimmer,
Im alone in the dark,
Not even a glimmer.

My head is screaming,
The tears are streaming,
My lungs are tearing apart.
I cant breathe,
I cant feel,
My soul strives to find its path.


Fuck the Silent Treatment [13 Mar 2006|11:12am]

I found celebrity in my closet
And suddenly, the mantra took over,
with the lights off.
And I found God
And suddenly, the folliage took over,
And suddenly, I knew
the rake was in my hands the entire
But I'd rather go swimming.


"Unmistakably the Melody Chooses to Sit Next to Her." [22 Feb 2006|05:20pm]

[ mood | hungry ]

If you want to lead your life by what's certain, go ahead
Spend your days reciting the times table.
Play it again.
I want to fall in love with
filling my lungs with air.
Play it again.
I want to fall in love with
filling my mouth with prayer.
I want to fall in
fall into
because because because.
We exist because I see you.
Play it again.
You have no faith in science,
You lack compliance
(Not with defiance).
I'm agnostic.
And the string goes between my legs
Supporting the weight
of the beauty of my dregs.
Play it again.
Play the song again
since I lost my concentration
on its flight
on its sin.
Play it again, I promise I'll listen.

(1 quoth the raven: | nevermore)

“Touched with fire" [02 Feb 2006|09:40am]

I am one of the chosen, touched
With fire. My flesh try’s but fails
To contain my base element and
Instinct, that of uncontrolled desire!

I’m not like you… lightening is
Born in my brain. Present in every cell
Pulsing in every vein. Don’t try and solve
The puzzle… or ponder whether or not
I am sane.

Where I see echoes of genesis
You see simply rain. You may sometimes
Hurt, yet I copulate with every facet of the
Mistress that is Pain.

Some days I feel too empty…
My insides bottomless… I
Never know what is truly wrong.
The victim of a legion of inner
Demons. Learning from my suffering,
Hoping to teach with my song.

Searching for what my soul is
Missing. This unknown item
I need to discover, its absence
Causes me to long.
Maybe it isn’t known in this world
And to which I‘ll never really belong?

I am the maestro for the symphony
That dwells inside me, I direct…
Play the strings, percussion and flute!
My song and chorus contain beauty,
Ugliness and truth… Things you don’t
Want to acknowledge but are unable
To refute.

I’m not meant for envy, for me
Life is a suspicious riddle, I am forced
To solve in rhyme, trapped between endless
Streams of verse and running out of time.

(2 quoth the raven: | nevermore)

[01 Feb 2006|05:25pm]

[ mood | devious ]

I feel liberated
out of the check-mate I pontificated
myself into and initiated
a spilt jack and coke onto the canvass.

Of course, I woke up and felt like I needed to keep running to stay alive to hide.
Of course, the melody took a seat next to her and I could hear it but I couldn't
speak it. My hands went blind.


New Year, New Leaf [05 Jan 2006|04:09am]

[ mood | hello! ]

Good morning, everyone!

Welcome to those of you who are new. Also, my apologies to new and old for being a really bad mod. This community was created [4] years ago to serve a purpose of some five individuals, and at the time, since I was new to LJ, it didn't occur to me that people would ever find it/join up.

Since it's been pretty quiet and posting has been rather sporadic, I think it's high time we all rubbed elbows a bit and got to know each other. What is everyone's name? Where are they from? Aspirations? Whatever you've got, share it!

Also... the user-info for the community is pretty sorry (again, apologies... it was created hastily in one night and hasn't really been touched, hence the hideous colour scheme) and could do with a bit of an overhaul. Any ideas on how to expand the interests/bio? Not necessarily to attract new members, per se, just to liven things up a bit for ourselves? It's all completely open and I would love to hear any suggestions.

As always, any sort of writing is welcome, as long as it is yours. If you find something really amazing that you'd like to share, and you have permission from the original author, post that, too! If you've got other journals geared specifically toward endeavours such as NaNoWriMo or write lyrics for your band, have at! Leave links, write samples, offer explanations of your inclinations. If there is a really stellar writer on your LJ friends list, show them off by posting their username. Writers are usually just as much voyeurs as they are artists-- inspiration comes from everywhere. Feel free to share your muses as well as your work.

I hope you all had a wonderful New Year and I look forward to getting to know you.

bad mod mad ravingsCollapse )


(1 quoth the raven: | nevermore)

Der Untergang [31 Dec 2005|11:06am]

[ mood | awake ]

New hier and just getting back into writing. Comment please, I'd appreciate it. :)

[Streetlights' heartbeats palpatate with the inevitable disease of aging
[Dying grass claws its way from hell through fractures in the broken bodies of sidewalk
[Grey velvet sky dropping acid
[The wind screams for us to halt but her begging waves break on the shore of merciless skyscrapers
[Killers sit propped and grinning like madmen in the windows of a pawn shop; the neon sign reads, Guns
[Whores and junkies know these streets; this is the hole they call home
[Syringes in the storm drains; remains of last year's soggy newspaper plastered face-down in the street
[Forgotten headlines read, Disaster
[Cigarette butts, ashes and cremated corpses float in stagnating drinks, waiting to be sipped
[A doll with purple locks and ghostly skin weeps and shivers in the parkinglot of the abandoned stripclub
[Graffiti and gang signs tattoo and pierce the flesh of the city; a story of our history
[The rancid smell of exhaust and two dead cats rotting in eachother's arms is thicker than swamp fog
[Addictions and misfortunes nail the people down; No one is stopping them but they can't leave this town

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